April 29, 2025

Unleash Leadership with Cathy Brooks

Unleash Leadership with Cathy Brooks
The player is loading ...
Unleash Leadership with Cathy Brooks
Unleash Leadership with Cathy Brooks
Spotify podcast player badge
Apple Podcasts podcast player badge
RSS Feed podcast player badge
Amazon Music podcast player badge
Castro podcast player badge
YouTube Channel podcast player badge
Spotify podcast player icon Apple Podcasts podcast player icon RSS Feed podcast player icon Amazon Music podcast player icon Castro podcast player icon YouTube Channel podcast player icon

Send us a text

Cathy Brooks is a leadership and communications coach with a distinct approach derived from her experiences in Silicon Valley, dog behavior, classical music, and ice hockey. Cathy shares her career journey from journalism to founding the Hydrant Club and Unleash Leadership, LLC. She also discusses the importance of positive communication, the transformative power of dog behavior, the impact of technology and social media, and effective strategies for improving human interactions. The conversation touches on societal issues, personal growth, and the significance of taking individual responsibility to foster change.

Sign up for our FREE weekly newsletter, The Wayfinder Weekly" at wayfindershow.com

Host Information:

Luis Hernandez: Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter

email: thewayfindershow@gmail.com

We want to give a huge shout out to our friend, Jast Collum at 756 Productions, for creating our intro and outro music. This guy is a beast.

Please support this podcast by checking out our show sponsors:

MetPro is a concierge nutrition consulting company that uses metabolic profiling to help clients lose weight and/or change body composition. After running 13 marathons, Luis was still able to get a personal record by using MetPro. Schedule a FREE consultation call and get a FREE month with a 6 month subscription.

Pioneer Group Realty - Commercial and Residential Real Estate Brokers in Colorado
*** Visit www.pioneergrouprealty.com to schedule a FREE 15 minute consultation

Willow Ash Roofing - Roofing...

WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.370
I can't fix the macro dumpster fire.

00:00:02.370 --> 00:00:03.029
That's the world.

00:00:03.390 --> 00:00:04.830
Like the world's a shit storm right now.

00:00:04.889 --> 00:00:06.150
Let's just call it what it is.

00:00:07.110 --> 00:00:14.939
And if I let myself listen and think about that, rather than think about what can I do in the micro space, that's my world.

00:00:15.720 --> 00:00:22.469
If each of us takes care of our own micro space, ultimately that macro by default will have to change.

00:00:22.980 --> 00:00:27.750
That's only held up by the insecurity, instability, and fear of all the people underneath it.

00:00:38.390 --> 00:00:49.729
Welcome to the Wayfinder Show with Louis Hernandez, where guests discuss the why and how of making changes that led them down a more authentic path or allow them to level up in some areas of their life.

00:00:50.810 --> 00:00:58.759
Our goal is to dig deep and provide not only knowledge, but actionable advice to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

00:00:59.990 --> 00:01:02.929
Come join us and find a way to your dream life.

00:01:13.039 --> 00:01:14.569
Welcome back to the Wayfinder Show.

00:01:14.569 --> 00:01:17.868
I'm your host, Louis Hernandez, and today I am here to welcome Ms.

00:01:17.868 --> 00:01:33.289
Kathy Brooks, a leadership and communications coach with a unique approach to transforming communications with a, after 22 years in Silicon Valley, Kathy founded the Hydrant Club where she discovered powerful lessons in human communication.

00:01:33.813 --> 00:01:36.063
Connection through dog behavior.

00:01:36.664 --> 00:01:49.444
Now through Unleash Leadership, LLC, Kathy helps individuals and teams achieve success by mastering communication, using creative insights from dogs, classical music, and ice hockey.

00:01:50.103 --> 00:01:53.853
So I'm excited to dive into her journey and unique expertise.

00:01:53.914 --> 00:01:55.924
Kathy, welcome to the Way Wayfinder Show.

00:01:57.243 --> 00:01:59.418
Thank you for having me, Lily.

00:01:59.418 --> 00:02:00.019
Appreciate it.

00:02:00.483 --> 00:02:01.623
Yeah, that is.

00:02:01.623 --> 00:02:06.274
So there's one extra, there's an extra, there's one extra item.

00:02:06.903 --> 00:02:11.584
And now most recently working as a design consultant for renewal by Anderson.

00:02:12.033 --> 00:02:14.283
So that's the latest item added to that.

00:02:14.463 --> 00:02:21.153
Really weirdly, like you look at that list of things and you think, wait, she did what?

00:02:21.183 --> 00:02:22.533
And then she went where to do what?

00:02:22.533 --> 00:02:24.213
And then how does that work together?

00:02:24.213 --> 00:02:26.614
So I love all of those things and thanks for having me.

00:02:27.033 --> 00:02:27.364
Yeah.

00:02:27.364 --> 00:02:31.804
And I love that the diverse background all the experiences.

00:02:31.804 --> 00:02:35.883
'cause I think we're like that we, don't have a clear trajectory.

00:02:36.873 --> 00:02:39.723
And I think more and more that's gonna be the way it is in life, right?

00:02:39.903 --> 00:02:42.873
You don't just go to school to be one thing for the rest of your life anymore.

00:02:44.014 --> 00:02:47.913
But you've already experienced that and somehow you find a way to tie it all together.

00:02:47.913 --> 00:02:54.334
So why don't we start there and just go back in time and, share the journey a little bit.

00:02:54.663 --> 00:02:58.174
And then work on connecting them the changes in life.

00:02:59.174 --> 00:03:00.283
I was born a small child.

00:03:02.084 --> 00:03:02.623
No bad joke.

00:03:02.804 --> 00:03:03.283
Old joke.

00:03:03.554 --> 00:03:04.574
Old, Steve Martin joke.

00:03:04.813 --> 00:03:05.144
Yeah.

00:03:05.174 --> 00:03:16.343
I was when you look at the trajectory of my my background, so I started out, ripping wire copy in a radio station when I was 14 years old.

00:03:17.394 --> 00:03:20.903
For folks who are listening to the podcast, they might think, what is wire copy?

00:03:20.903 --> 00:03:27.718
It's back in the old days in radio, when you could smoke in newsrooms and they used manual typewriters.

00:03:27.718 --> 00:03:28.769
Nothing was computerized.

00:03:28.769 --> 00:03:32.729
They had these enormous machines that spat out yards and yards of.

00:03:33.359 --> 00:03:37.769
Triplicate copy from the different wire services from all over the world with the news.

00:03:37.769 --> 00:03:53.938
And my job was to go into this very loud room and rip out that copy and distribute it around to the different writers and editors in the newsroom who then would write copy and then bring it into the, big voice people on the radio who were telling you what was happening with the world.

00:03:54.778 --> 00:03:56.278
I thought my life was gonna be in radio.

00:03:57.278 --> 00:04:03.878
I went to journalism school at Northwestern, and then I, was committed to becoming a really good writer, a really good journalist with a capital J.

00:04:03.878 --> 00:04:06.519
So that's why I went to a print journalism school.

00:04:07.519 --> 00:04:10.368
School decided I was gonna work in newspaper right outta college.

00:04:10.368 --> 00:04:17.509
So that landed me in California and it became really clear really quickly that the ideas that are.

00:04:19.113 --> 00:04:31.863
I had about what it meant to be a journalist, like what it meant to me to be a journalist, weren't what things were starting already in those days, in the early nineties, what they were starting to turn into.

00:04:33.334 --> 00:04:41.283
Today you'd be hard pressed to watch any newscast on any television station where much of the content isn't pay for play.

00:04:41.824 --> 00:04:46.774
When you look at most print newspapers in towns where they even exist anymore.

00:04:47.178 --> 00:05:01.338
You'd be hard pressed to find content that isn't pure journalism with beat reporters on the street, gathering information and then delivering it as best as is humanly possible through a neutral lens.

00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:07.158
What I was taught was that journalists have one job right?

00:05:07.189 --> 00:05:14.119
To, to journal to track and note information, and to present as much of that information.

00:05:15.119 --> 00:05:22.858
Information as possible to the audience so that the audience has the ability to make their own choice about what they believe.

00:05:23.218 --> 00:05:26.098
My job as a journalist isn't to tell someone what to believe.

00:05:26.338 --> 00:05:29.129
My opinion doesn't effing matter.

00:05:29.309 --> 00:05:36.564
I'll meter my language for the respective of audiences, but I normally am a little on the salty side being that's okay.

00:05:37.918 --> 00:05:41.608
There may be an occasional F-bomb or some other words through, if that's, you can bleep bring it on.

00:05:41.608 --> 00:05:42.324
Kathy, bring it on.

00:05:42.338 --> 00:05:43.019
You can, bleep me.

00:05:44.009 --> 00:05:44.369
Okay.

00:05:44.369 --> 00:05:45.028
I'll just say it.

00:05:45.028 --> 00:05:48.389
My opinion as a journalist doesn't fucking matter, right?

00:05:48.389 --> 00:05:56.249
When I see someone on TV or I read an article in a newspaper and they're telling me what they think about a thing, I don't really care if you wanna do that.

00:05:56.728 --> 00:05:59.009
Be a columnist, do an opinion piece.

00:05:59.309 --> 00:06:06.209
But your job as a journalist is to gather as much information as possible and to present it as neutrally as a human possible.

00:06:06.973 --> 00:06:10.363
I say that because every human being has a bias.

00:06:10.723 --> 00:06:27.884
We have inherent bias that we have based on where we're from and how we were raised, and things we were exposed to, and trauma we've experienced, and how we're taught and where we're taught, and all of the beautiful things that make us up into the individuals we are, create the lens through which we see the world.

00:06:28.093 --> 00:06:29.653
This is just the human condition.

00:06:30.613 --> 00:06:39.134
You can take five people and put them in front of an event, and all five of those people will have a different story about what that event was.

00:06:40.454 --> 00:06:42.254
It's like the five blind men in the elephant.

00:06:42.254 --> 00:06:44.413
Each man is standing by a part of the elephant.

00:06:44.774 --> 00:06:49.334
The only part to which he has exposure is the part that's right in front of him.

00:06:50.413 --> 00:06:59.504
And so to each of those individuals, their view of the elephant is true, but it is the aggregate of the views that makes the actual truth.

00:06:59.819 --> 00:07:01.978
The truth of the collective that is an elephant.

00:07:02.548 --> 00:07:04.499
And so I went into journalism.

00:07:05.519 --> 00:07:16.978
I think when I look back, I went in fundamentally because helping people learn things, giving people new perspectives, gave me joy.

00:07:17.824 --> 00:07:18.684
It felt important.

00:07:18.684 --> 00:07:20.488
It felt like something that really mattered.

00:07:20.999 --> 00:07:32.579
And so over time, as I saw that was I went from the newspaper I went into, tra I did traffic reports on the radio, traffic and weather together every 10 minutes one of those irritating people.

00:07:32.579 --> 00:07:32.639
Yeah.

00:07:33.418 --> 00:07:36.478
Who's telling you about traffic that you're not sitting in?

00:07:36.478 --> 00:07:41.009
Meanwhile, you're sitting in traffic yelling at the radio, why aren't you talking about this?

00:07:41.908 --> 00:07:45.298
Of course now we have ways and we have GPS maps we don't need those anymore.

00:07:45.298 --> 00:07:46.588
But I did that for a bit.

00:07:47.399 --> 00:07:51.899
And from there, when I left that job, I ended up in Silicon Valley, backwards.

00:07:52.649 --> 00:07:53.608
I was looking for work.

00:07:53.699 --> 00:07:54.838
I didn't know what I was gonna do.

00:07:54.899 --> 00:07:56.369
I had a degree, in journalism.

00:07:56.968 --> 00:07:58.649
So solid writing.

00:07:58.649 --> 00:08:04.348
I understood how media worked and it was suggested to me by a guy who I worked out with at the gym.

00:08:04.348 --> 00:08:08.399
We'd see each other every day because I wasn't working, so I was at the gym every day for hours.

00:08:09.959 --> 00:08:14.668
And this guy, his name was God, what was Frank's last name?

00:08:15.238 --> 00:08:15.478
Frank.

00:08:15.478 --> 00:08:15.809
First name?

00:08:15.809 --> 00:08:16.079
Frank.

00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:18.389
Frank, who worked at Hill and Nolton.

00:08:18.718 --> 00:08:19.769
He was a Boston guy.

00:08:20.668 --> 00:08:27.673
Big brawny Irish guy who worked for Hill and Nolton and, he said, why do you know?

00:08:27.673 --> 00:08:29.173
Have you ever thought of public relations?

00:08:29.173 --> 00:08:32.594
You'd be, you have all of the skillset.

00:08:32.594 --> 00:08:35.384
You'd just be looking at the story from the other side.

00:08:35.384 --> 00:08:40.604
You'd be the one bringing the story to the media to present them with content that they could then write about.

00:08:41.504 --> 00:08:46.634
And I ended up landing at a PR firm that happened to be specializing in technology.

00:08:46.634 --> 00:08:52.364
Now, this was late 90, early 91, so this is pre Netscape browser.

00:08:52.364 --> 00:08:54.043
This is pre Microsoft Web.

00:08:54.823 --> 00:08:58.964
Windows computers, if you had one, it was operating on dos.

00:08:59.203 --> 00:09:04.874
There were 10 lines of code to type through to get to the email address that you could email four people.

00:09:04.874 --> 00:09:09.703
'cause that's about how many people had email printers didn't live on your desk.

00:09:10.484 --> 00:09:14.114
Printers lived in a room in the office and they took the whole room.

00:09:14.114 --> 00:09:14.173
Yeah.

00:09:14.203 --> 00:09:18.224
And you usually needed someone who would print things for you.

00:09:19.519 --> 00:09:23.953
And it sounds like this was centuries ago and this was.

00:09:24.448 --> 00:09:31.259
This was not that long ago in the grand it's longer ago now than it used to be, but it's it's the early nineties.

00:09:31.259 --> 00:09:36.989
And so there I was in this space with these people.

00:09:37.048 --> 00:09:39.028
I did not understand the technology.

00:09:39.389 --> 00:09:50.219
I think I had an Apple two C that I got for college that was essentially just a fancy typewriter, that I didn't have to use white out on when I made a mistake.

00:09:50.369 --> 00:09:52.139
That's, it was essentially a word processor.

00:09:53.139 --> 00:10:05.229
I was watching these fascinating human beings making changes in our world that they were making because they wanted to make the world a better place.

00:10:05.229 --> 00:10:06.428
Like in those early days.

00:10:06.458 --> 00:10:09.938
'cause there wasn't millions of, billions of dollars in it.

00:10:09.938 --> 00:10:13.119
Yet there wasn't the insane valuations.

00:10:13.119 --> 00:10:18.948
There weren't uni, we didn't have the internet thing, hadn't commercial internet didn't exist yet, and.

00:10:20.479 --> 00:10:21.528
People were fascinating.

00:10:21.528 --> 00:10:24.198
So I stayed and I found I had a knack for the PR thing.

00:10:24.198 --> 00:10:26.328
And so I worked at different agencies.

00:10:26.328 --> 00:10:28.519
And truth is Louis.

00:10:28.519 --> 00:10:30.708
I never really loved the technology.

00:10:30.708 --> 00:10:32.239
I was fascinated by the people.

00:10:32.989 --> 00:10:44.639
And by the late nineties, early two thousands, I was becoming increasingly disturbed by what I was starting to see.

00:10:45.764 --> 00:10:48.254
Technology to separate rather than connect.

00:10:49.634 --> 00:10:54.073
People who were so focused on their technology, they weren't paying attention to the people around them.

00:10:55.124 --> 00:10:59.234
And I just got this cold feeling in the pit of my stomach.

00:10:59.234 --> 00:11:04.604
Like we, I think this train has already left the station and I think we're pretty categorically fucked.

00:11:05.604 --> 00:11:09.714
I hate saying I told you but I, was right and I wasn't in any sort of position of.

00:11:10.808 --> 00:11:12.908
Look, I was a kid in my twenties.

00:11:14.109 --> 00:11:19.479
Had I raised the alarm and rang a bell, I'm pretty sure nobody would've given a shit what I had to say anyway.

00:11:21.428 --> 00:11:25.509
But I look back and I think about each of the inflection points.

00:11:25.509 --> 00:11:34.568
By the way, I didn't actually leave Silicon Valley till 2012, so that I stayed for a while and it just got worse and worse.

00:11:34.989 --> 00:11:38.769
And when I looked at things like Facebook.

00:11:40.599 --> 00:11:47.948
A platform, a behemoth platform created by an individual whose social skills on a good day are questionable.

00:11:49.928 --> 00:11:51.068
Let me say that again.

00:11:52.538 --> 00:12:05.028
A platform that is purportedly to connect community created by an individual with the social skills and emotional intelligence of a turnip, and that's insulting turnip.

00:12:05.884 --> 00:12:06.153
Oops.

00:12:07.533 --> 00:12:18.604
And so it's a problem, and so for me, technology I've got friends from childhood that I'm connected to on Facebook, and that's delightful and amazing.

00:12:19.354 --> 00:12:25.533
And when the fires were happening in la, I was able to find all of my friends in LA and see that they were all right.

00:12:26.043 --> 00:12:26.884
There's value.

00:12:27.153 --> 00:12:29.014
I'm not a no technology person.

00:12:29.014 --> 00:12:30.183
Don't get me twisted here.

00:12:30.514 --> 00:12:33.813
Technology to enable, empower, and connect is great.

00:12:35.134 --> 00:12:51.423
Technology in the hands of oligarchs and greed and ego is quite possibly one of the single most devastating things to happen to our society in centuries.

00:12:52.423 --> 00:13:02.323
And the good news is that it's the train may have left the station, but it is not an unstoppable train.

00:13:03.793 --> 00:13:16.183
And I believe that in the end, the human spirit will triumph because we're pretty fucking awesome as a species overall, generally speaking.

00:13:17.264 --> 00:13:25.149
And that ultimately the thing that makes us most human is our, is the things that makes us, that make us different.

00:13:26.078 --> 00:13:27.158
The things that.

00:13:28.344 --> 00:13:40.073
Make us different or what make us interesting and instead of being afraid of what's different, which is where things seem to have evolved, that if you are different than I am, like I don't know how you vote.

00:13:40.313 --> 00:13:43.524
I don't know a lot of things about you and I don't fucking care.

00:13:45.114 --> 00:13:56.423
You appear to me from this short time we spent together to be a kind, interesting human being who has lots of thoughts about a lot of things and we don't know each other and so that makes me curious.

00:13:57.423 --> 00:13:58.384
What's your favorite color?

00:13:58.384 --> 00:13:59.374
Do you like sports?

00:13:59.374 --> 00:14:00.333
What's your favorite sport?

00:14:00.333 --> 00:14:01.984
Do you like dogs or are you a cat person?

00:14:01.984 --> 00:14:02.734
Do you like to hike?

00:14:02.734 --> 00:14:04.083
What do you do in your spare time?

00:14:04.443 --> 00:14:05.254
Do you have a favorite food?

00:14:05.254 --> 00:14:06.423
Do you have any allergies?

00:14:06.663 --> 00:14:07.653
What are you afraid of?

00:14:07.653 --> 00:14:08.614
What gets you excited?

00:14:08.614 --> 00:14:11.524
Like these are the things that make us human.

00:14:12.543 --> 00:14:20.583
And so I left Silicon Valley in 2012 because Tony Shea, who was the CEO of Zappos at the time, oh yeah, he is now unfortunately, rest in peace.

00:14:20.703 --> 00:14:21.964
Left this or yeah.

00:14:23.448 --> 00:14:28.099
Whole different story about addiction and technology's influence on that.

00:14:28.099 --> 00:14:41.369
That's probably a whole different episode on a whole different podcast, but it's worth noting that, what killed Tony was the thi the, world that he lived in, right?

00:14:42.058 --> 00:14:45.668
And so he and I knew each other from Silicon Valley.

00:14:45.668 --> 00:14:46.688
He invited me to Las Vegas.

00:14:47.033 --> 00:14:48.953
Because they were just starting to redevelopment of downtown.

00:14:49.374 --> 00:14:51.624
So he invited me to come with my dog, my big dog, Truman.

00:14:51.624 --> 00:14:55.673
So I went to Vegas in the summer of 2012 with my 75 pound enormous dog.

00:14:56.364 --> 00:15:16.104
And over the course of 10 days there had conversations with the people doing the redevelopment about what it might look like to re imagine a dog training slash social club facility at the heart of this downtown development to be a place for community and connection, which was really.

00:15:17.063 --> 00:15:20.094
The driving force behind the downtown project at the time.

00:15:21.563 --> 00:15:24.293
So they said, if you fund it, will you, if we fund it, will you move here?

00:15:25.823 --> 00:15:27.953
So I said yes.

00:15:27.953 --> 00:15:29.274
And six months later I was on the ground.

00:15:29.453 --> 00:15:32.783
Like I literally went to Vegas in the summer of 2012.

00:15:33.864 --> 00:15:37.193
And in six, literally six months later, I had gone back to San Francisco.

00:15:37.193 --> 00:15:38.634
I had sublet my apartment.

00:15:38.724 --> 00:15:43.014
I had thrown my stuff in a U-Haul.

00:15:43.703 --> 00:15:58.043
As a good lesbian does and drove across to Las Vegas, and I went to open the Hydrant Club, which was a new take on how do you reimagine the relationship between dogs and their humans and teach them in an urban environment.

00:15:58.043 --> 00:16:12.083
And what I found really quickly was that through the dogs, I had the ability to help people see the way they interacted with the world differently because a dog is either, either a mirror of or a reaction to our behavior.

00:16:12.504 --> 00:16:17.964
What is happening on one end of the leash is because of what's happening on the other end of the leash.

00:16:18.053 --> 00:16:18.594
Full stop.

00:16:20.514 --> 00:16:24.384
Barring tiny little asterisk physiological ailments.

00:16:24.384 --> 00:16:27.864
The dog is sick, the dog has allergies.

00:16:28.104 --> 00:16:30.443
The dog has some sort of biochemical imbalance.

00:16:30.443 --> 00:16:40.254
The dog came outta the chute sideways, but the number of dogs that have issues like that are proportionally speaking to the number of dogs on the planet, like statistically and insignificant.

00:16:41.844 --> 00:16:52.823
The vast majority of dog behavior, and I'm talking like 98% or more of dog behavior, is a direct reflection or mirror of the environment that the dog is in.

00:16:53.994 --> 00:16:59.333
Partially how you mean, yes, there's breed behaviors, but even that in the environment that it's in.

00:16:59.663 --> 00:17:01.433
How is its family structure?

00:17:01.673 --> 00:17:03.774
How is its relationship with its humans?

00:17:03.923 --> 00:17:06.023
Where does it fit in the family hierarchy?

00:17:06.023 --> 00:17:09.624
Because a dog only understands the world in a hierarchical.

00:17:10.163 --> 00:17:14.544
Nuclear family in a world dog world called a pack.

00:17:15.144 --> 00:17:18.114
A hierarch and hierarchical small group.

00:17:18.114 --> 00:17:21.114
It is a familial group with leadership at the top.

00:17:21.114 --> 00:17:27.683
Clearly identified and designated rules and responsibilities, rules, consequences for breaking the rules and in order.

00:17:28.104 --> 00:17:34.344
And if the rules are broken or you color outside the lines, the entirety of the family might perish.

00:17:35.344 --> 00:17:36.364
In a dog's world.

00:17:36.604 --> 00:17:58.034
And so when we miscommunicate with our dogs or when we are overly dependent on our dogs for our wellbeing, like the whole idea of an emotional support animal is such a load of horse shit to me as it relates to dogs because my emotional state is not my dog's responsibility.

00:17:58.723 --> 00:17:59.804
I'm not talking about.

00:18:00.193 --> 00:18:13.124
Legitimate service dogs that serve people with PTSD and autism and behavioral spectrum issues where the dogs are specifically trained to intervene on their human's behalf and take care of them.

00:18:13.753 --> 00:18:14.203
Different thing.

00:18:14.203 --> 00:18:24.314
That's an actual legitimate capital S service dog, that is trained to execute a specific task that is of life necessary support for its handler.

00:18:24.703 --> 00:18:26.864
That's what the American with disabilities are.

00:18:27.463 --> 00:18:37.993
Says for a service dog, an emotional support animal means I am not able to regulate my feelings and I'm gonna rely on my dog like a binky.

00:18:38.993 --> 00:18:47.544
I don't feel great, so my dog's gonna make me feel better, and I have a real issue with that'cause it doesn't do the dog a service.

00:18:47.544 --> 00:18:51.443
It literally upends the dog's entire understanding of how it's supposed to be in the world.

00:18:52.614 --> 00:19:17.993
In its world, again, barring the very specially trained dogs that have jobs to do in a regular dog's world who the one taking care of them is their hack leader, their family leader, and the leader's job is to make sure the needs are met to make sure that the entirety of the whole is orchestrated.

00:19:18.993 --> 00:19:27.003
Which doesn't mean like when I'm upset and my dogs come over to comfort me, that's awesome, but then I don't keep relying on them to feel better.

00:19:27.003 --> 00:19:30.273
It's a temporary wow, okay, thanks guys.

00:19:30.273 --> 00:19:31.503
You just got me grounded again.

00:19:31.683 --> 00:19:34.023
Now I'm back on point and taking care of your needs.

00:19:35.749 --> 00:19:38.314
So it's a nuance, right?

00:19:39.183 --> 00:19:45.034
Because of course, as a family member, if I see my mother upset, I'm going to go hug my mother.

00:19:45.544 --> 00:19:51.453
As a child, if my mom was angry or upset, I didn't like that.

00:19:51.453 --> 00:19:55.834
I wanted my mom to be okay, but it wasn't my responsibility to make her okay.

00:19:56.013 --> 00:19:56.854
I would hug her.

00:19:56.973 --> 00:19:58.594
She would notice that I was upset.

00:19:58.594 --> 00:19:59.284
She'd say, you know what?

00:19:59.284 --> 00:20:00.213
It's okay, Kathy.

00:20:00.243 --> 00:20:00.903
I'm okay.

00:20:02.884 --> 00:20:06.064
And she'd put her hands back on the figurative steering wheel, and my life was okay.

00:20:06.064 --> 00:20:06.334
Again.

00:20:06.963 --> 00:20:10.023
I have a lot of friends who ended up parenting parents as young kids.

00:20:11.023 --> 00:20:12.104
I was tough on them.

00:20:12.104 --> 00:20:12.644
Later in life.

00:20:13.644 --> 00:20:21.503
So through dogs I found that I could help transform people, and so I started doing that.

00:20:21.503 --> 00:20:32.163
I went through transformational leadership training and coaching, and got myself certified and all of the things, and then the pandemic hit, and then all fast forward through the next bits of the story.

00:20:32.163 --> 00:20:34.263
So a pandemic hit after the pandemic.

00:20:35.134 --> 00:20:36.634
Tony dies during the pandemic.

00:20:36.844 --> 00:20:42.903
After the pandemic, the neighborhood that the business was in never really fully returned to what it was before the pandemic.

00:20:42.933 --> 00:20:44.584
It was no longer fun to do.

00:20:45.304 --> 00:20:51.574
I parted ways with the downtown project at the end of 2022, kinda taking my business with me, but closing the physical location.

00:20:52.574 --> 00:21:01.423
And I came to Virginia on vacation to house, sit for some friends, and was going back and forth for a while and just found.

00:21:03.148 --> 00:21:08.489
That I had taken to this living in the woods thing and figured I should get a job.

00:21:08.489 --> 00:21:31.019
So I ended up putting my resume online and getting hired by renewal by Anderson and what I get to do every day now, I'm still working with dogs and I'm still doing coaching, and what I do as my job is I get to walk into someone's home, identify what their wants, needs, and intentions are, which is usually something around windows and doors, but it's.

00:21:31.378 --> 00:21:32.308
The doors and windows.

00:21:32.308 --> 00:21:33.868
That's how we connect with the world around us.

00:21:33.868 --> 00:21:35.548
It's how we see the world.

00:21:35.548 --> 00:21:36.838
It's how the world sees us.

00:21:36.838 --> 00:21:38.098
It's the safety and security.

00:21:38.098 --> 00:21:39.719
Do I feel safe in my home?

00:21:40.798 --> 00:21:42.358
And feeling safe is huge.

00:21:42.358 --> 00:21:43.318
Behaviorally speaking.

00:21:43.739 --> 00:21:54.868
So I get the great privilege of working with people every day to help them envision, like when they drive up to their house, what do they want that front door to look like?

00:21:55.439 --> 00:21:56.939
What does the front door say about them?

00:21:57.989 --> 00:21:59.578
About the home that people are entering?

00:21:59.578 --> 00:21:59.638
I.

00:22:01.199 --> 00:22:02.159
Are the windows safe?

00:22:02.159 --> 00:22:03.209
Do they open and close?

00:22:03.209 --> 00:22:03.989
Are they sealed?

00:22:03.989 --> 00:22:05.759
Do they keep the heat in and the cold out?

00:22:05.878 --> 00:22:07.558
These are all very basic human needs.

00:22:08.098 --> 00:22:13.199
And I, the conversations that I get to have with people are I've cried with people in their home.

00:22:13.199 --> 00:22:20.284
We've not yelled at each other, but yelled about things and we've laughed and we've talked about all sorts of things.

00:22:20.284 --> 00:22:28.263
And if you had told me a year and a half ago that I'd be working in con construction sales, I'd say, how do you figure.

00:22:29.179 --> 00:22:36.749
But ultimately, every person whose life I touch at any given point in time, like I can't fix the macro dumpster fire.

00:22:36.749 --> 00:22:37.409
That's the world.

00:22:37.769 --> 00:22:39.148
Like the world's a shit storm right now.

00:22:39.298 --> 00:22:40.499
Let's just call it what it is.

00:22:41.489 --> 00:22:49.318
And if I let myself listen and think about that, rather than think about what can I do in the micro space that's my world.

00:22:50.098 --> 00:22:56.398
If each of us takes care of our own micro space, ultimately that macro by default will have to change.

00:22:57.398 --> 00:23:04.058
It's only held up by the insecurity, instability, and fear of all the people underneath it, right?

00:23:04.058 --> 00:23:09.788
So that in a relatively large nutshell, is the kind of arc of my story.

00:23:09.788 --> 00:23:12.699
And at the end of the day when people say, what do you do?

00:23:13.419 --> 00:23:16.624
I say, I transform how people see the world around them.

00:23:16.983 --> 00:23:20.973
Maybe connect with it in a more meaningful way and learn a little bit about themselves in the process.

00:23:22.068 --> 00:23:22.638
I like that.

00:23:24.588 --> 00:23:25.759
I, think it's interesting.

00:23:27.378 --> 00:23:28.939
I, the way you look at the world, I.

00:23:30.334 --> 00:23:34.183
Could always be, you could always look at it negatively, right?

00:23:34.334 --> 00:23:36.314
You can always look at it as the world is just crazy.

00:23:36.314 --> 00:23:38.054
It's a dumpster fire, as you said right now.

00:23:38.054 --> 00:23:39.554
Or it could be great.

00:23:40.453 --> 00:23:43.153
And that's always the case right there.

00:23:43.183 --> 00:23:47.834
There's always problems, there's always chaos, and vice versa.

00:23:48.834 --> 00:23:53.723
And it sounds like when you I would imagine in your work.

00:23:54.848 --> 00:23:59.048
Success would come by looking at the positive perspective, right?

00:23:59.618 --> 00:24:03.068
There's a lot of great things happening in the world right now a lot.

00:24:03.459 --> 00:24:13.959
And we choose to focus on some of the chaos and it makes us start to think, oh, this world is, just getting a grip on us and going down.

00:24:15.189 --> 00:24:21.909
So I, if that's a case, if that is a fair way of describing some of your work, what are some strategies.

00:24:22.538 --> 00:24:28.659
That we can apply, to, not focus on the chaos and focus on the positive.

00:24:29.659 --> 00:24:31.429
I'll, it's a great question.

00:24:32.239 --> 00:24:32.419
Thank you.

00:24:32.419 --> 00:24:38.429
And I'll start by answering with a question, which is what if it isn't positive and negative?

00:24:39.429 --> 00:24:40.868
What is positive and negative?

00:24:41.078 --> 00:24:43.058
Any, take any given event in the world?

00:24:44.769 --> 00:24:46.298
Even a catastrophic event.

00:24:47.138 --> 00:24:48.788
And we've seen this in recent years.

00:24:48.788 --> 00:24:49.989
Catastrophic events.

00:24:50.169 --> 00:24:50.439
Yes.

00:24:50.439 --> 00:24:53.469
Where one group of people celebrates it.

00:24:54.098 --> 00:24:54.459
That's right.

00:24:54.818 --> 00:24:57.519
And another group of people demonizes it.

00:24:58.358 --> 00:25:08.288
What if the events in and of themselves, all of the things and, by all of the things all of the things are inherently neither positive nor negative, but neutral.

00:25:08.888 --> 00:25:09.189
Sure.

00:25:10.449 --> 00:25:12.909
Now, someone might say, how is a child?

00:25:14.499 --> 00:25:16.628
Child dying, not negative.

00:25:16.868 --> 00:25:19.298
I'm not suggesting that things aren't painful.

00:25:20.019 --> 00:25:27.189
I'm not suggesting that things aren't hard, that things don't hurt, that things aren't scary.

00:25:28.189 --> 00:25:38.239
I'm suggesting that if I choose to look at it as bad and scary, what am I going to start to see?

00:25:40.203 --> 00:25:41.493
All seem more scary.

00:25:41.794 --> 00:25:42.183
That's Right.

00:25:43.443 --> 00:25:49.743
So there was a study done and I actually just, I recently heard the name of the guy who did the study, and of course, now it's not in my head.

00:25:49.953 --> 00:25:51.124
I'll send it to you if I find it.

00:25:51.784 --> 00:26:06.243
But it was a research study around luck and they had a a statistically relevant data set of people half of whom believed they were lucky and half of whom didn't.

00:26:07.713 --> 00:26:10.804
They put them in a room where they do all of the things that they do.

00:26:10.804 --> 00:26:18.663
And what they do is they gave them a broad sheet newspaper and they said, okay, how many pictures are in this newspaper?

00:26:20.403 --> 00:26:23.314
You need to tell us how many pictures are in the newspaper.

00:26:24.933 --> 00:26:29.733
So what was interesting was on like the second or third page of the newspaper was a big headline.

00:26:30.124 --> 00:26:31.534
It said, stop counting.

00:26:33.064 --> 00:26:34.923
There are 48 pictures in this newspaper.

00:26:35.923 --> 00:26:46.124
What was interesting was that the people who thought they were lucky, who had positive mindset all saw that headline and stopped.

00:26:46.723 --> 00:26:49.963
And told the surveyors how many pictures were in the paper.

00:26:50.443 --> 00:26:50.653
Yeah.

00:26:50.653 --> 00:26:58.243
And the people who didn't think they were lucky, the people who looked through a negative lens missed it entirely.

00:26:58.513 --> 00:27:02.173
They counted, they lost count, they miscounted, they went back.

00:27:03.239 --> 00:27:07.888
Got the number wrong because all they could see was the negative.

00:27:09.568 --> 00:27:12.419
I can choose whether I see good in the world or not.

00:27:14.189 --> 00:27:16.259
It is a choice.

00:27:16.828 --> 00:27:19.169
Now, do I watch the news every day?

00:27:19.439 --> 00:27:20.128
Fuck no.

00:27:21.659 --> 00:27:23.548
Do I go on the internet and doom scroll?

00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:24.598
Absolutely not.

00:27:25.138 --> 00:27:28.588
My time on Facebook is spent primarily in the private group that I.

00:27:30.239 --> 00:27:42.848
I have for a relatively large number of people who have my kind of interest in looking at things that are difficult and talking about them in a different way, and having those kinds of conversations.

00:27:42.848 --> 00:27:51.068
And there are people of all ilk in the group and lots of different opinions and lots of different beliefs, and we have open conversations.

00:27:51.068 --> 00:27:52.628
The only rule is don't be an asshole.

00:27:53.288 --> 00:27:53.348
Yeah.

00:27:53.348 --> 00:27:53.919
State your view.

00:27:53.919 --> 00:27:54.848
Don't be an asshole.

00:27:54.848 --> 00:27:56.709
You get to point fingers.

00:27:58.523 --> 00:28:00.594
Other than that, I've spent a whole lot of time on Facebook.

00:28:01.403 --> 00:28:07.794
Haven't been on the thing formerly known as Twitter in ages Instagram.

00:28:07.794 --> 00:28:09.233
It's mostly me pic posting pictures.

00:28:09.233 --> 00:28:14.723
'cause my 92-year-old mother is on Instagram and so I post pictures there of things so that she can see things happening in my life.

00:28:15.084 --> 00:28:22.104
She thinks I'm sending the pictures directly to her, which is delightful, that she's even on Instagram and knows how to like, like things and comment.

00:28:22.104 --> 00:28:22.884
It's delightful.

00:28:23.243 --> 00:28:23.903
She's a badass.

00:28:23.903 --> 00:28:24.324
My mom.

00:28:25.088 --> 00:28:27.669
I'm also glad to know that I have jeans that will last a long time.

00:28:29.378 --> 00:28:33.818
I spend some time on LinkedIn professionally because that's a group of people who are not there to talk about the bullshit.

00:28:33.818 --> 00:28:35.888
They're there for very specific reason.

00:28:35.888 --> 00:28:36.669
They're focused.

00:28:37.669 --> 00:28:41.328
Apart from that, I turn off all screens about an hour before bed.

00:28:41.959 --> 00:28:43.429
I don't really watch tv.

00:28:44.028 --> 00:28:50.028
I have a couple of TV series that I watch, but I'm careful about what I'm careful about what I feed my brain.

00:28:50.088 --> 00:28:53.209
Yes, just like I'm careful about what I feed my body.

00:28:54.409 --> 00:28:55.429
I don't eat crap.

00:28:56.358 --> 00:28:57.469
I don't consume crap.

00:28:58.249 --> 00:29:08.568
And when I do eat, like when I do eat the bag of potato chips and feel shitty, or I decide I wanna go for Indian food, even though I know my body's not gonna be happy about it, but I really wanna go and my friends wanna go.

00:29:08.568 --> 00:29:10.729
So I wanna go for the social experience.

00:29:10.909 --> 00:29:15.469
I know I'm not gonna feel well the next day, so I don't judge myself or beat myself up over it.

00:29:15.919 --> 00:29:17.808
I don't get, I'm not like anaphylactic or anything.

00:29:17.808 --> 00:29:19.338
It just doesn't quite agree with me.

00:29:19.894 --> 00:29:21.483
I go for the companionship.

00:29:21.483 --> 00:29:22.894
I go for the community.

00:29:23.223 --> 00:29:28.324
I'm careful about what I eat, and I just know the next day I might not feel great, but it'll pass.

00:29:29.733 --> 00:29:33.844
If I watch too much TV or I watch it late at night, gonna feel shitty the next day.

00:29:34.384 --> 00:29:39.513
So instead of continuing to feel shitty and feeding the beast, what do I do?

00:29:39.814 --> 00:29:40.594
I go for a walk.

00:29:41.193 --> 00:29:42.153
I call a friend.

00:29:43.233 --> 00:29:44.703
I read a book of poetry.

00:29:44.854 --> 00:29:47.044
I cook some food that I enjoy.

00:29:47.044 --> 00:29:48.334
I exercise.

00:29:48.334 --> 00:29:51.124
I listen to some great music and have a solo dance party.

00:29:51.124 --> 00:29:56.193
I, my favorite thing is going to the grocery store and making new friends in the grocery store.

00:29:56.193 --> 00:29:59.644
Like I will talk to my mentor says I have a superpower.

00:29:59.644 --> 00:30:02.763
I will talk to anyone anywhere about anything at any time.

00:30:03.814 --> 00:30:04.354
No fault.

00:30:04.443 --> 00:30:07.653
Like I get on an airplane and I have now been.

00:30:08.013 --> 00:30:16.624
Noted on three different flights, the favorite passenger of the flight crew, and they even gave me wings, which I have learned is a very big deal when you're an adult gets wings.

00:30:17.134 --> 00:30:24.364
So I inherently, I'm, I just, if I move around in the world like that's what I'm gonna get.

00:30:24.903 --> 00:30:32.074
And if I move in the if I look around in the world and all I see are assholes, chances are likely all I need to do to figure out the problem is look in a mirror.

00:30:33.074 --> 00:30:34.933
Because if I'm being a dick.

00:30:35.818 --> 00:30:36.868
What do you think I'm gonna get?

00:30:37.648 --> 00:30:39.028
Yeah, more of that?

00:30:39.028 --> 00:30:39.088
Yeah.

00:30:39.358 --> 00:30:44.759
Where people, repelled from me and then me being pissed off that they're repelled.

00:30:45.058 --> 00:30:48.578
I started it, and not taking it so damn seriously.

00:30:48.578 --> 00:30:56.648
Like for crying out loud people, like the world has been here for a lot of years America's been here for a lot of years.

00:30:56.679 --> 00:30:58.088
We're doing pretty okay.

00:30:58.778 --> 00:31:02.108
I'm not suggesting that things aren't hard and that there aren't.

00:31:03.638 --> 00:31:05.469
Awful things happening to some people.

00:31:05.469 --> 00:31:06.219
Like I get it.

00:31:06.969 --> 00:31:12.939
And how do I foster change without becoming part of the problem?

00:31:13.939 --> 00:31:14.209
Yeah.

00:31:15.138 --> 00:31:16.548
So what's the strategy?

00:31:16.999 --> 00:31:17.568
Take care.

00:31:17.568 --> 00:31:19.683
Stay in your own lane and clean up your side of the street.

00:31:20.314 --> 00:31:20.604
Yeah.

00:31:20.624 --> 00:31:22.098
My own damn business.

00:31:23.098 --> 00:31:23.308
Mind.

00:31:23.308 --> 00:31:24.659
My own damn business.

00:31:25.949 --> 00:31:26.189
Yeah.

00:31:26.189 --> 00:31:27.203
I think that's good advice.

00:31:29.144 --> 00:31:32.443
Kathy you, talk a lot about, obviously, I don't know if it's a strategy.

00:31:33.443 --> 00:31:33.743
Yeah.

00:31:34.253 --> 00:31:43.614
It's you talk a lot about communications and how and how we need to stop talking more at people and with people.

00:31:44.453 --> 00:31:45.683
Can you elaborate on that a little bit?

00:31:46.683 --> 00:31:50.523
It's always interesting in an interview situation'cause what I really wanna be doing with you right now.

00:31:50.523 --> 00:31:52.294
It's so what do you think it means?

00:31:53.209 --> 00:32:00.828
Louis, like when you, he, when the question you just asked me, what does it mean to you to talk with someone rather than at someone?

00:32:01.159 --> 00:32:05.449
Because I've been talking at you, but you asked me questions and we are in the context of an interview show.

00:32:05.838 --> 00:32:05.989
Yeah.

00:32:05.989 --> 00:32:11.088
If you and I were sitting over coffee and you ask me a question, so Yeah.

00:32:11.239 --> 00:32:12.558
So what does it mean to you?

00:32:13.558 --> 00:32:17.784
I think it's a mutual exchange of, ideas and.

00:32:19.419 --> 00:32:20.318
Conversation.

00:32:20.828 --> 00:32:24.699
Just I, like to learn from my conversation.

00:32:24.759 --> 00:32:36.308
Like you, you started off by saying, Hey we go and learn each other's favorite color, whether a dog or cat person or favorite things or those kind of, that, that's what I like.

00:32:36.308 --> 00:32:50.689
I like people and learning about them and what motivates them and what makes'em go and, so that's a, with conversation, that is what I'm, I think when more like a lecture type.

00:32:51.689 --> 00:32:57.088
We're just, mansplaining, as my daughters like to tell me now.

00:32:57.088 --> 00:32:58.749
So how old are they?

00:32:59.618 --> 00:33:00.459
17 and 19.

00:33:01.703 --> 00:33:12.773
The other day I was, oh, they were asking me about why we were talking about mortgage rates and what affects'em, and I was telling them about the yields within them.

00:33:13.284 --> 00:33:15.144
They said, oh, this sounds like you're mansplaining.

00:33:16.144 --> 00:33:18.729
So were you, oh yeah, very.

00:33:18.903 --> 00:33:20.463
I guess the question is, were you, oh yeah.

00:33:20.463 --> 00:33:27.209
I got up on a whiteboard and described what it was exactly on a chart, and so that's, did you very likely.

00:33:27.798 --> 00:33:30.949
But they asked, you asked them first how much they knew before you started.

00:33:31.398 --> 00:33:31.548
Yeah.

00:33:31.548 --> 00:33:36.528
But when they asked, did you then, did you ask them before you started what they thought it meant?

00:33:36.528 --> 00:33:39.169
Or what they had heard or what they knew before you dove in?

00:33:39.199 --> 00:33:39.439
Yeah.

00:33:39.439 --> 00:33:40.098
Great question.

00:33:40.098 --> 00:33:40.699
No, I didn't.

00:33:40.909 --> 00:33:47.023
And sometimes I think we make that mistake with loved ones and people we know closely, right?

00:33:47.183 --> 00:33:50.778
Like we just automatically make these assumptions and go into it.

00:33:51.078 --> 00:33:56.719
And we don't do the background work with the questions to see where they're at and meet'em there.

00:33:57.719 --> 00:33:58.888
There's always a why.

00:34:00.868 --> 00:34:03.808
Every question someone asks, they're asking it for a reason.

00:34:04.808 --> 00:34:16.548
Are you asking me why is that what, I just wanted to let, I wanted to mostly to let it sit for a second because, so for example, talking with someone.

00:34:18.014 --> 00:34:42.233
Is if you ask me a question in a regular conversation, like obviously this is an interview show, so you ask me a question, you're looking for me to answer your question, and conversationally speaking, when someone asks me a question in order, like I don't need to be the smart person who has the answer, what they're, asking the question for a reason.

00:34:42.579 --> 00:34:44.679
So inquiring about that.

00:34:45.849 --> 00:34:46.148
Wow.

00:34:47.528 --> 00:34:49.028
Can you tell me more about that?

00:34:49.028 --> 00:34:53.858
Or is there a specific reason why that's important to you?

00:34:55.028 --> 00:34:59.648
Un understanding the why of a question actually can help you answer it more effectively.

00:35:00.458 --> 00:35:02.079
Because I'm a pretty smart cookie.

00:35:02.108 --> 00:35:04.239
I went to school, I read a lot of books.

00:35:04.268 --> 00:35:07.489
I'm embarrassingly overly educated.

00:35:07.878 --> 00:35:09.438
I can answer a lot of shit.

00:35:10.083 --> 00:35:13.143
Be the smart and wanna, I like being the smartest person in the room.

00:35:13.143 --> 00:35:13.833
I will admit it.

00:35:13.833 --> 00:35:14.434
I will admit it.

00:35:14.434 --> 00:35:15.483
I like knowing things.

00:35:16.233 --> 00:35:24.418
And if all I'm doing is answering instead of inquiring, then who knows if the answer I'm giving actually serves the person.

00:35:26.014 --> 00:35:27.153
Person that I'm speaking to.

00:35:28.153 --> 00:35:31.454
Yeah, that, that's a great point.

00:35:32.454 --> 00:35:33.474
Silence is weird, right?

00:35:33.623 --> 00:35:36.414
That was just about five seconds and I could see both of us.

00:35:36.414 --> 00:35:38.543
I'm like, is he gonna ask me another question?

00:35:38.543 --> 00:35:40.673
Does he want me to keep talking?

00:35:40.733 --> 00:35:41.753
No, I'm gonna let her sit.

00:35:41.753 --> 00:35:43.403
Is she just gonna sit there for a second?

00:35:44.403 --> 00:35:48.043
I negotiate for a living so I can sit in silence for a while with folks, right?

00:35:48.833 --> 00:35:49.123
Yeah.

00:35:49.273 --> 00:35:49.764
It's good.

00:35:50.699 --> 00:35:51.804
The yeah.

00:35:51.873 --> 00:35:52.164
Yeah.

00:35:53.164 --> 00:35:58.338
I know you got a hard stop coming up soon, so why don't we transition to our Wayfinder four.

00:36:00.168 --> 00:36:03.139
C Kathy, can you give us a, does that get fun?

00:36:03.139 --> 00:36:04.398
Does that get fun music Bubu?

00:36:05.239 --> 00:36:06.289
I've thought about doing that.

00:36:06.289 --> 00:36:06.409
Yeah.

00:36:07.159 --> 00:36:09.949
I'm not right now I'm doing all my own editing all life.

00:36:10.789 --> 00:36:11.809
The Wayfinder four.

00:36:11.958 --> 00:36:17.298
Yeah, the Wayfinder four with a little echo, little reverb on the end.

00:36:17.809 --> 00:36:18.949
Alright, so let's see.

00:36:19.219 --> 00:36:21.349
Do you wanna just, I've got, do you wanna just ask him?

00:36:21.588 --> 00:36:21.889
Yeah.

00:36:21.889 --> 00:36:23.599
Gimme, give us a hack, a life hack.

00:36:23.599 --> 00:36:26.958
You use meditation.

00:36:27.978 --> 00:36:28.548
Oh my God.

00:36:28.548 --> 00:36:31.338
If you don't stop, just stop and breathe.

00:36:31.369 --> 00:36:38.838
And it doesn't have to be a big, like you have an altar and you burn incense and set candles, and you do it for this long period of time.

00:36:38.869 --> 00:36:51.588
It can literally be 60 to 90 seconds of just stop in your tracks, follow your breath, do what's called box breathing.

00:36:51.619 --> 00:36:55.909
Inhale for a count of three or four, hold it for three or four.

00:36:56.284 --> 00:36:59.943
Exhale and then hold empty for the same count.

00:37:00.244 --> 00:37:02.434
Some people do it for three, some people do it for four.

00:37:02.434 --> 00:37:04.264
Some people do it for five dealer's.

00:37:04.264 --> 00:37:08.793
Choice on which one you pick, however good your lungs are, pick the one that fits your lung capacity.

00:37:10.083 --> 00:37:18.454
Doing that cycle four times is scientifically proven to shift your limbic system.

00:37:18.454 --> 00:37:23.704
It'll soothe your Ner central nervous system because your body is so focused on the breath.

00:37:25.023 --> 00:37:30.844
All the extraneous nonsense that your amygdala's screwing around with can get let go.

00:37:31.983 --> 00:37:35.494
So meditate and breathe and oxygen is your friend.

00:37:35.554 --> 00:37:36.634
So yeah.

00:37:37.653 --> 00:37:38.523
Meditation's great.

00:37:38.914 --> 00:37:41.614
I recently went with my daughter to a Zen.

00:37:41.764 --> 00:37:43.443
She was curious about Zen Buddhism.

00:37:43.443 --> 00:37:56.969
So we went and they do these long the whole service is basically a long meditation service and you just count to 10 and repeat and, for 25 minutes at a time, then you do it while you're walking.

00:37:56.969 --> 00:38:03.028
So I started applying that towards my running and doing that, like on tempo runs, which anybody who runs knows like that.

00:38:03.028 --> 00:38:04.438
Those are like the hardest runs, right?

00:38:04.708 --> 00:38:06.358
You, go at a hard pace for a long time.

00:38:06.628 --> 00:38:13.228
And I just started do doing that and just focusing on counting to 10 in my breath for, and it has become a lot easier.

00:38:13.559 --> 00:38:14.458
It's, really incredible.

00:38:14.458 --> 00:38:15.838
So it can work at all levels.

00:38:16.409 --> 00:38:17.878
It's mind blowing stuff.

00:38:19.139 --> 00:38:22.108
Kathy, how about if you think about it, I was gonna say, if you think about it.

00:38:22.858 --> 00:38:44.849
My brain needs oxygen to operate properly, and if not, if I'm not breathing, yeah, my brain's not getting oxygen, which means by default it's going to default to primal instinct behavior, that beautiful, big fat frontal lobe that has all of the executive function and all of the things that make us this magnificent species.

00:38:45.568 --> 00:38:51.599
That's not gonna matter if my central nervous system is shot and I'm in fight or flight.

00:38:53.014 --> 00:38:54.693
So brief.

00:38:56.583 --> 00:38:57.304
How about a favorite?

00:38:59.224 --> 00:39:00.003
Ooh goodness.

00:39:01.983 --> 00:39:04.983
I've just discovered Vanessa Edwards.

00:39:06.543 --> 00:39:11.853
Vanessa Edwards has a, an incredibly viral, Ted talk.

00:39:13.114 --> 00:39:17.014
And she has studied for decades now.

00:39:18.994 --> 00:39:21.244
Facial expression, body language.

00:39:22.324 --> 00:39:28.083
Tone and how to communicate like she's a master communicator.

00:39:28.083 --> 00:39:41.583
So whenever I find people who have unlocked keys, especially those who have scientific data about how the brain works and how to not hack it, but how to lean into it.

00:39:42.003 --> 00:39:47.733
So I've been binging on as many videos of hers as I can find.

00:39:48.733 --> 00:39:56.173
I went back and started watching early episodes of Grey's Anatomy, just if I was bored and just needed to do something because it's like, it's completely ridiculous.

00:39:56.173 --> 00:39:56.954
It's great writing.

00:39:56.954 --> 00:40:01.224
Shonda Rhimes is a brilliant writer and the people are all very pretty, okay.

00:40:01.884 --> 00:40:03.954
How about a piece of advice for you younger self?

00:40:04.954 --> 00:40:10.773
I don't know that I would tell my younger self anything because I am who I am because of all the things I did.

00:40:12.168 --> 00:40:18.809
So given a time machine, I would, I would avoid interacting with myself in any way, shape, or form.

00:40:19.809 --> 00:40:24.429
And,'cause I think I turned out all right and I'm doing pretty okay.

00:40:25.898 --> 00:40:41.898
I might say, learn to say fuck off a little earlier, learn to, learn to really use that ear and, I was a very, self-assured small child.

00:40:42.318 --> 00:40:44.179
There's a picture of me at two years old.

00:40:44.688 --> 00:40:52.728
I'm on the boardwalk in Venner, New Jersey, and I've got my elbows up on the lowest rail of the boardwalk, almost like I'm leaning on a bar.

00:40:53.719 --> 00:40:53.748
I.

00:40:53.748 --> 00:40:59.673
And I've got these two little pigtails and I have these little eyelet lace socks and these little white Mary Janes and this like chubby little legs.

00:41:00.063 --> 00:41:06.213
And I've got my arms up and I'm kinda looking off to the side, to the distance as if like the thought bubble is, no, you guys go ahead.

00:41:06.213 --> 00:41:07.414
I'm just gonna hang here for a second.

00:41:08.434 --> 00:41:10.384
And there was just, an assurance to me.

00:41:10.384 --> 00:41:19.414
And I have another picture of me at age, probably about eight, and I'm standing on the steps of our home in Venner, New Jersey and.

00:41:20.148 --> 00:41:25.789
I'm in this like little yellow terrycloth, I wish I still had the outfit.

00:41:27.139 --> 00:41:30.168
Like a yellow tele terrycloth, short sleeve shorts.

00:41:30.438 --> 00:41:43.219
And I've got a notebook, like a notepad in one hand, and I'm holding a pencil in my other hand and my hip is out to the side and I'm just looking at the camera like, I don't fucking care what you think.

00:41:44.748 --> 00:41:48.798
And so I was like that as a kid and.

00:41:49.668 --> 00:41:53.748
I kinda lost it in my teen years, but I'm back.

00:41:53.929 --> 00:41:58.668
I'm back now embracing back and better than ever back and better than ever welcome back.

00:41:58.668 --> 00:42:02.148
Now I really don't give a shit what people think of me.

00:42:02.148 --> 00:42:03.378
It's really none in my fucking business.

00:42:04.998 --> 00:42:05.239
Great.

00:42:05.239 --> 00:42:07.248
What about you said I could curse now.

00:42:07.248 --> 00:42:08.778
I'm just gonna drop'em all over the place.

00:42:08.778 --> 00:42:09.318
I know.

00:42:09.559 --> 00:42:11.688
Definitely gotta check the explicit box on this one now.

00:42:12.739 --> 00:42:13.159
That's all right.

00:42:13.159 --> 00:42:15.858
We usually drop a curse word or two.

00:42:16.248 --> 00:42:20.278
What about, a big opportunity or a limiting belief.

00:42:20.608 --> 00:42:26.039
If you wanna talk about, oh, those are two very different categories.

00:42:26.818 --> 00:42:29.159
Either one of them could be an or they could be the same.

00:42:29.369 --> 00:42:33.748
So what do you mean what, oh, good.

00:42:33.748 --> 00:42:34.528
Excellent point.

00:42:35.579 --> 00:42:37.739
A limiting belief could be an opportunity for growth.

00:42:37.798 --> 00:42:38.068
I see.

00:42:38.068 --> 00:42:39.329
What I see, what you did there.

00:42:40.329 --> 00:42:44.259
When you say limiting belief what do you mean by that in the question?

00:42:45.833 --> 00:42:46.463
What do you mean?

00:42:46.643 --> 00:42:47.153
What do you think?

00:42:47.153 --> 00:42:48.079
I know I'm supposed, I mean by that.

00:42:48.264 --> 00:42:48.686
I know I'm supposed, I know.

00:42:48.692 --> 00:42:53.333
I'm, what do, I've created a monster.

00:42:54.594 --> 00:42:55.344
Let's see.

00:42:56.423 --> 00:43:00.594
You don't have, look, a limiting belief is the, yeah I guess opportunity, what comes to mind?

00:43:00.773 --> 00:43:02.304
Okay, here it is.

00:43:02.304 --> 00:43:11.824
The thing that comes up for me with opportunity is, it's an opportunity for all of us, and by all of us, all of you who are listening.

00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:17.809
All of you who are listening, who have people in your lives, which all of you do, you have your networks and your networks have networks.

00:43:17.809 --> 00:43:18.318
And your networks.

00:43:18.318 --> 00:43:19.878
Have networks Have networks.

00:43:19.878 --> 00:43:21.559
We are all connected.

00:43:22.789 --> 00:43:33.199
Play the tape far enough down, and every single person who is listening to this podcast is connected in some way, shape, or form to someone else who's listening to this podcast.

00:43:34.199 --> 00:43:36.778
What are what the opportunity is?

00:43:37.778 --> 00:43:40.958
Stop talking about the dumpster fire.

00:43:41.958 --> 00:43:43.458
Stop talking about the shit storm.

00:43:43.458 --> 00:43:46.039
Stop complaining about the things that you see.

00:43:46.429 --> 00:43:50.838
I'm not saying be Pollyanna and pretend like nothing's happening.

00:43:51.559 --> 00:43:55.039
What I'm saying is do something about it.

00:43:56.539 --> 00:43:59.778
And that doesn't mean you have to grab a sign and go pick it or.

00:44:00.423 --> 00:44:05.884
Protest or throw your mother Teresa used to say, do not invite me to an anti-war rally.

00:44:06.884 --> 00:44:09.373
Invite me to a pro peace rally.

00:44:10.373 --> 00:44:12.534
Stop talking about what's wrong.

00:44:13.643 --> 00:44:15.623
'cause all you're gonna get is more wrong and you'll get frick.

00:44:15.623 --> 00:44:15.804
Yeah.

00:44:16.583 --> 00:44:18.384
'cause whatever you think is wrong is someone else's.

00:44:19.673 --> 00:44:20.034
That's right.

00:44:21.034 --> 00:44:33.634
That's the opportunity and with all of the things that are happening, and to be clear, not a political statement, because anyone and everyone who's involved at some level in politics is culpable for the shit show.

00:44:34.634 --> 00:44:35.023
Totally.

00:44:35.474 --> 00:44:35.773
Everyone.

00:44:35.773 --> 00:44:35.954
Everyone.

00:44:37.454 --> 00:44:43.103
And so when I pointed a thing and I say that it's someone else's fault, I am already missing the point.

00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:45.759
There is no us and them.

00:44:45.998 --> 00:44:46.719
There is no other.

00:44:47.798 --> 00:44:48.458
There just isn't.

00:44:49.458 --> 00:44:49.728
Yeah.

00:44:49.728 --> 00:44:50.449
Thank you for that.

00:44:50.748 --> 00:44:57.748
I, this is something I've been thinking about a lot and I obviously with, the time and I, think, yeah.

00:44:57.748 --> 00:45:03.298
There, there's always a party that kind of lost their grip and they go and just attack.

00:45:03.329 --> 00:45:04.079
This is what's wrong.

00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:08.009
This is, but they're not providing solutions and.

00:45:08.474 --> 00:45:16.454
It's not till they're, the solutions are provided that usually that party doesn't regain power, is what I've noticed.

00:45:17.983 --> 00:45:19.063
And I think that's where we're at.

00:45:19.273 --> 00:45:20.264
And I, I get upset.

00:45:20.594 --> 00:45:22.213
But, and even that fundamental idea though.

00:45:23.653 --> 00:45:27.043
But even that fundamental idea, and I apologize, I feel like I keep interrupting you.

00:45:27.043 --> 00:45:30.224
I think we have a bit of a, I think there might be some latency in the audio.

00:45:30.673 --> 00:45:30.824
Yeah.

00:45:30.824 --> 00:45:32.813
These are the la I live in the woods.

00:45:33.813 --> 00:45:38.324
But even saying the other party, yeah.

00:45:38.324 --> 00:45:45.583
It's like there's a, them Last time I checked there was one flag, right?

00:45:46.583 --> 00:45:58.793
Like we're talking, so we, you and I are sitting in the United States of America, there is the stars and stripes, and that flag represents every human being who lives in this country.

00:45:59.349 --> 00:45:59.739
That's right.

00:46:00.429 --> 00:46:08.498
All the citizens of this nation, whether I like them or not, whether I agree with them or not, they get the Constitution is the same Constitution for all the people.

00:46:10.148 --> 00:46:14.378
And we have had to come a long way for the Constitution to actually represent all the people.

00:46:14.378 --> 00:46:16.898
Since the guys who wrote it were all white.

00:46:17.079 --> 00:46:18.458
Most of them own slaves.

00:46:18.579 --> 00:46:21.099
Most of them had children by their slaves.

00:46:21.278 --> 00:46:23.018
Let's not be disillusioned.

00:46:23.949 --> 00:46:27.398
There is no us and them, there is no other.

00:46:28.398 --> 00:46:43.128
And the false idea, the facade of other is the thing that keeps we, the people destabilized.

00:46:44.128 --> 00:46:51.728
I live in the middle of a state that was the capital of the Confederacy during the Civil War, and I.

00:46:53.259 --> 00:47:02.858
Get to talk with people every single day who do not look like me, who do not sound like me, who did not grow up like I did, who don't have the beliefs that I have.

00:47:03.278 --> 00:47:10.719
I am a gay Jewish woman living in the middle of a place where any one of those things could be a point of friction.

00:47:12.489 --> 00:47:18.099
And what I can tell you is the people that I meet don't give a shit about any of those things.

00:47:18.099 --> 00:47:19.989
It's just, are you a kind and decent person?

00:47:20.349 --> 00:47:20.739
And.

00:47:21.114 --> 00:47:24.864
I was pulled over by the side of the road on my way to an appointment the other day.

00:47:24.864 --> 00:47:28.583
I was running a little early, so I pulled over and I'm way off on the shoulder.

00:47:28.583 --> 00:47:29.514
Perfectly fine.

00:47:29.514 --> 00:47:32.574
I don't have my, I have my flashers on just so that people know that I'm there.

00:47:33.054 --> 00:47:47.304
And a highway patrol officer drove by on the other side of the road going the other direction, and I see in my rear view mirror, I see him U-turn in the road and he pulls in behind me and he comes up to my car and he says, ma'am, I just wanted to check and make sure you were all right.

00:47:48.304 --> 00:47:53.278
A couple days later, I saw a highway patrol officer by the side of the road actually helping someone sleeves rolled up.

00:47:53.278 --> 00:47:54.688
Change the tire of a car.

00:47:54.989 --> 00:47:55.079
Yeah.

00:47:55.079 --> 00:48:00.539
Not there in the car with flashers on just blocking, actually changing the tire of the car.

00:48:00.539 --> 00:48:01.798
So they didn't have to wait for a tow truck.

00:48:02.128 --> 00:48:02.429
Yeah.

00:48:03.429 --> 00:48:05.739
I pulled over, there was a dog that got hit by a car.

00:48:05.889 --> 00:48:07.208
This is late at night, the other night.

00:48:07.478 --> 00:48:09.398
And I pull over.

00:48:10.463 --> 00:48:20.574
The guy and it was a hunting dog and the dog is dead and a truck pulls up and then the guy whose dog it was, it had a radio collar on and the guy pulls up in the truck and he said, you stopped your car.

00:48:20.934 --> 00:48:21.923
I said, why wouldn't I?

00:48:22.923 --> 00:48:26.554
I said, if that dog had breath in it, it's going in the back of my car going to a hospital.

00:48:28.293 --> 00:48:29.673
He said, most people don't stop.

00:48:31.474 --> 00:48:32.824
I said I'm not most people.

00:48:33.824 --> 00:48:35.293
And I don't think I'm a unicorn.

00:48:35.293 --> 00:48:35.864
I really don't.

00:48:35.864 --> 00:48:38.083
I think more people than not have this.

00:48:38.443 --> 00:48:38.893
I agree.

00:48:39.583 --> 00:48:40.184
I completely agree.

00:48:40.184 --> 00:48:41.443
Just don't be afraid to do it.

00:48:42.014 --> 00:48:42.793
Don't be afraid.

00:48:43.793 --> 00:48:44.094
Yeah.

00:48:46.074 --> 00:48:46.974
So I.

00:48:48.759 --> 00:48:56.108
I completely agree, and I think we all have testimonies in that, but we're always stuck in such fear that we don't, what could go wrong?

00:48:56.168 --> 00:49:03.759
And the other day we went to a dog park and we came back to at the trail head, and there was the keys to our car.

00:49:03.849 --> 00:49:04.539
Were there.

00:49:04.878 --> 00:49:07.219
Our car is steps away from there.

00:49:07.458 --> 00:49:10.639
Everybody always leaves their lost and found items on the trail there.

00:49:10.639 --> 00:49:15.228
So somewhere along the way I dropped my key and they could have just clicked the button and known which car.

00:49:15.228 --> 00:49:17.329
It was driven away, but it was right there.

00:49:17.748 --> 00:49:24.079
And nine times outta 10, I think that's what happens still, I think overall we're all good human beings.

00:49:24.083 --> 00:49:25.099
They're not gonna be how that make you feel?

00:49:26.099 --> 00:49:27.268
To be honest with you.

00:49:27.329 --> 00:49:30.539
I How'd that make you feel when you experienced that, what was the feeling?

00:49:31.639 --> 00:49:34.099
I actually didn't think much of it.

00:49:34.338 --> 00:49:36.858
I honestly expect that, but I'm different.

00:49:37.699 --> 00:49:41.838
My wife was there with me and she's oh my God, she was overwhelmed.

00:49:42.528 --> 00:49:45.438
But I, I feel very lucky.

00:49:45.708 --> 00:49:50.239
I feel like li most people are really good and that is the way it's gonna be.

00:49:50.239 --> 00:49:51.199
And I know I've done it.

00:49:51.228 --> 00:49:55.969
I've seen a key and I've, and I, think that's the way, that's normal.

00:49:56.599 --> 00:50:02.608
Believe it or not, it takes me an extra second to think, oh, my car could have disappeared now.

00:50:02.639 --> 00:50:12.898
But I've, worked on that training for many years'cause I came from a different environment and it takes a lot to open yourself up to others and, accept that.

00:50:13.989 --> 00:50:15.608
And, know, hey, everything's gonna be okay.

00:50:16.628 --> 00:50:18.579
And I can give a lot more testimonies on that.

00:50:18.639 --> 00:50:20.829
It's just one that just happened a couple days ago.

00:50:21.608 --> 00:50:43.813
But my wife is still, always she was on blown away, so I, I'm the kind of guy who expects that if I get pulled over that I'm gonna get, I'm not gonna get a ticket or I'm not gonna get a and and I have been a victim of profiling and everything, and I have been thrown in a cop car for no reason yet.

00:50:43.844 --> 00:50:44.773
I still expect it.

00:50:44.833 --> 00:50:47.443
That's not the way it's gonna be nine out of 10 times.

00:50:47.623 --> 00:50:51.434
And usually that is the case, nine outta 10 times.

00:50:53.309 --> 00:50:53.818
Anyhow.

00:50:54.568 --> 00:50:55.438
I know you gotta go.

00:50:55.438 --> 00:50:55.498
Yeah.

00:50:55.648 --> 00:50:57.344
So can you just share with it short isn't That's interesting.

00:50:57.344 --> 00:50:57.623
Yeah.

00:50:57.623 --> 00:50:58.704
Contact information.

00:50:59.704 --> 00:51:00.543
Yeah, sure.

00:51:01.744 --> 00:51:08.554
I am I'm embarrassingly easy to find if anybody wants I'm a little harder to find physically since I'm in the middle of the woods.

00:51:09.483 --> 00:51:18.454
So Unleashed leadership llc.com is the site for any and all things related to coaching and that sort of stuff.

00:51:19.204 --> 00:51:21.903
Hydrant club.com is still a website.

00:51:22.114 --> 00:51:27.094
We don't have the physical location anymore, but I'm still doing consultations for dog behavior.

00:51:27.094 --> 00:51:34.773
And if folks happen to be in the Virginia, DC, Maryland area and have a dog that they're having some trouble with, I'm more than happy to help folks out.

00:51:34.773 --> 00:51:36.958
I do board and trains where dogs come and stay with me for a week.

00:51:37.458 --> 00:51:37.878
Oh, cool.

00:51:38.164 --> 00:51:38.643
Or two.

00:51:39.244 --> 00:51:41.494
And then I work, and then I work, with the humans.

00:51:41.643 --> 00:51:45.664
So basically the dog becomes part of my family for a week or two.

00:51:46.083 --> 00:51:51.574
Learn some rules and structure, and then I help them under the humans understand how to do it at home.

00:51:52.204 --> 00:51:57.813
Heck, if you live in Virginia and you need new windows or doors, I'm your girl.

00:51:57.813 --> 00:51:58.653
Give me a call.

00:51:59.043 --> 00:51:59.074
Okay?

00:51:59.373 --> 00:52:03.273
But kathy@unleashedleadershipllc.com is my email.

00:52:04.293 --> 00:52:06.543
I'm on Instagram is Kathy Brooks.

00:52:07.384 --> 00:52:13.983
If you type Kathy Brooks with a C into any search engine of flavor, you will likely find.

00:52:14.358 --> 00:52:16.338
A lot of different places that you can find me.

00:52:16.909 --> 00:52:31.728
And as one tiny thing, you can also pull up the Giffy search engine, the gif search engine, and type in Golden Knights fan, and you'll see that I'm an official GIF of the NHL downloaded, giving joy to 42 million people and counting.

00:52:32.539 --> 00:52:38.509
It is actually me with my gold hood up and pair of pompoms shaking my groove thing and having a good time at a hockey game.

00:52:39.588 --> 00:52:40.009
Okay.

00:52:40.849 --> 00:52:41.208
Thank you.

00:52:41.208 --> 00:52:41.958
And that's a real thing.

00:52:41.958 --> 00:52:43.398
That's not two truths in a life.

00:52:43.398 --> 00:52:44.449
That, that, that's actually real.

00:52:45.708 --> 00:52:46.009
Yeah.

00:52:46.009 --> 00:52:49.219
You gonna adopt a new hockey team now that you're in Virginia?

00:52:50.219 --> 00:52:50.518
No.

00:52:50.518 --> 00:52:52.768
I record the games and watch them while I work out in the morning.

00:52:53.398 --> 00:52:53.518
Gotcha.

00:52:53.518 --> 00:52:54.268
I love my boys.

00:52:54.268 --> 00:52:55.139
I've gone to see them.

00:52:55.139 --> 00:52:56.849
I went to see them in Carolina.

00:52:57.268 --> 00:52:57.599
Okay.

00:52:57.599 --> 00:53:00.208
I've gone to see them in Pittsburgh and Philly.

00:53:00.208 --> 00:53:00.898
I've gone to see them.

00:53:00.898 --> 00:53:02.159
I'm gonna go see them in Columbus.

00:53:02.878 --> 00:53:04.289
I've gone to see them in Florida.

00:53:04.679 --> 00:53:05.579
Haven't seen them in dc.

00:53:05.579 --> 00:53:07.349
I missed them on the DC swing this year.

00:53:07.349 --> 00:53:07.648
But I.

00:53:08.744 --> 00:53:09.074
Okay.

00:53:09.224 --> 00:53:12.824
I was there when they raised the cup, very good.

00:53:12.824 --> 00:53:13.244
I be gold.

00:53:14.653 --> 00:53:15.074
Very good.

00:53:15.224 --> 00:53:16.784
Thank you Kathy for being on the show.

00:53:16.813 --> 00:53:17.744
This has been a lot of fun.

00:53:17.744 --> 00:53:23.474
I think we can have you on and we can talk about a lot more things, and maybe we'll do that.

00:53:23.744 --> 00:53:24.673
So anytime.

00:53:24.974 --> 00:53:25.364
All right.

00:53:25.634 --> 00:53:31.034
That, that topic the pin that we put in on addiction and recovery, I think is a conversation worth having.

00:53:31.034 --> 00:53:31.063
Okay.

00:53:36.864 --> 00:53:38.634
We hope you've enjoyed the Wayfinder Show.

00:53:38.693 --> 00:53:42.954
If you've got value from this episode, please take a few seconds to leave us a five star rating and review.

00:53:43.253 --> 00:53:47.514
This will allow us to help more people find their way to live more authentic and exciting lives.

00:53:48.204 --> 00:53:49.463
We'll catch you on the next episode.